Mid-Life Crisis

So, a lot of my buddies are going through a tough time. It seems many of their owners’ friends are going through a mid-life crisis that sometimes puts our parents in a funk.

Yogi Berra would describe this as self-prescribed preoccupation with self. In the human world, this life stage is defined by stupid decision-making, (I’m going to quit my job and reinvent myself) by empty promises, (I’m going to get my high school physique back) by dumb mistakes (I’ll buy a Harley even though I don’t like motorcycles) by silly trade-ins (good spouses for trophy wives). What are these people thinking? Oh yea, they aren’t thinking… I think it’s like when dogs go in heat. We’re obsessed about one thing and all our other faculties are in the toilet.

I digress.

Here’s my take on this… If you want to reinvent yourself, this is America, just do it but do it because you yearn for doing something better and more meaningful with your life not because you don’t like your life. No matter how much you spend (unless you’re Demi Moore), you will not look like you did in high school. (Note how cute Demi looks with her dog:

Plus, you were really lame in high school so who wants that again. My foster Mom got her figure back (not sure where she lost it…) and she says it makes her feel great but not younger. I think she’s a fox and that the two of us should easily get a date now. I don’t get the need for looking “younger”. When you feel great isn’t that enough?

Here’s my advice. RENT a Harley. Do NOT buy one until you’re sure you’re really diggin’ the ride and the monthly payment. Remember that trade-ins are for car dealerships not spouses. Trophies are made of metal, they look good but they are hollow inside and are easily bent. Enough said.

Finally, the next time one of your master’s buddies is going through a mid-life crisis, get them a dog and a place on the water. Water is a gathering place for peaceful contemplation (isn’t my vocabulary cool), for family gatherings, picnics, fun, laughter, cricket-clicking nights and stargazing. A dog will fill the hole in their life created by doing meaningless work for too long. The hole will not get filled with frivolous gestures or purchases. Once the hole is filled in, the crisis will end. A good laugh helps too. Watch funny videos like this one featuring Yogi Berra and the duck:



A mid-life crisis is such a short spell in the scheme of things where as the love of a dog is forever. Why would anyone trade one for the other?

Okay, here’s the question of the day from Gucchi who asked: Why is it that I am named after a famous designer but my mom and dad don’t buy me designer stuff?

Dear Gucchi:
You sound like a human. Shut the bark up and be glad they love you.


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